Not Quite a Tragedy

My grandma's going to die. I don't know if I've met her, but if I did, I don't remember it. She's in Sri Lanka. I'm in Canada. I don't know how my dad is doing. He seems to be okay, but knowing him, he's probably masking his true emotions. The truth is, I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I've never met her, or don't remember ever meeting her. Apparently, according to my dad's side of the family, I look just like her, rather than either of my parents. Does that mean I should have some special connection? Guess not, because I most definitely do not feel it.

The phone keeps ringing, but I do not want to pick it up. It's not like we ever pick up the phone anyways, but this time it's different. Every time I hear that "long distance tone" ringing, I fill up with dread. I don't want to be the one to pick up and answer it, and be the first one to know. I don't want to be the one to tell my dad.

There's another thing you should know about me Great Blog Machine. I can't speak tamil. Big deal right? Well it actually is. you see, I was born in Sri Lanka and came to Canada as a refugee. I've never told anyone the refugee part. Well anyways, I don't know if you heard about the big civil strife going on there, but it's the reason why my family came to Canada. I was less than a year old when I came, and I used to speak tamil and everything. And then I stopped. There's a reason of course, but I don't want to get into that right now.

So now I'm left in one of Canada's most "multicultural" cities, without being able to speak her native tongue. It's the language I learned to communicate with! My mom speaks tamil to me, and I reply back in english, because fortunately, I can understand her. It's not so easy with my dad. He can't speak english very well, and he refuses to speak in tamil to me, because he thinks I don't understand him. The truth is, I'd understand him better if he spoke tamil anyways. The end result? We don't talk.

He's a nice I guy. I think. That's what my mom tells me, but I don't really have a relationship with him. I guess you can say he's not the "sage-like" figure that fathers are perceived to be. I guess that's another thing I like about Mulan. I coveted the relationship she has with her father.

I need some air.